This girl is more easily done than said...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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