im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
