keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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