Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize