Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
