Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
