oh god the rape fog is back!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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