Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How external is "for external use only"?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
