Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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