just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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