I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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