i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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