u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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