Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
