I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
