My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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