there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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