I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
