She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
