Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
