Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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