I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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