So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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