About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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