He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
