My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
