i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
