i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
