that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
