We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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