Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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