My nipple is on Facebook.
i think my tv is drunk
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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