So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
