Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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