Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
