I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
