In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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