forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
