Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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