i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
