your parents love me but you hate me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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