Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
