Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
