I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
