If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
