I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
