I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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