and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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