Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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