But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
