oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
