Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Umm I'm too high to move.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
