I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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