There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
