Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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