I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
