I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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