what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
