Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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