there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
