i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
