yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
