I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
