you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
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just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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