so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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