Are we in a gay sports bar?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
