The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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