Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
